Is This A Reasonable Extract For Me To Give To My Creative Writing Group

The Guy Is The Greek God Apollo (calls himself "Alex), the girl (Anya) Is The descendant of one of history Priestess. This Is Set in the 21st century.

"What Gives this magic metal bird The Power to Fly?"
"It's science and engineering, not magic. It's Moved On a bit sincere, well, you. "
"Then how do We Have Any Guarantee It Will stay in the sky?"
"We do not." I Lowered my voice ominously. "There's Every Chance That It Will fall out of the sky and we'll die horribly!"
"Never!" He shouted, rising from historical seat. "I should" never allow it! Should this metal bird begin to fall, I Will remove us from icts insides and save our lives! "
"Sit down, you're really embarrassing me!" I tugged on the edge of history shirt. Slowly Sank back down and he Resumed vice-like grip history On The seat cushion. He Was Almost as scared of flying I Was ace of Greek motorways. "And how EXACTLY do you intend" to save us? "
"I would, uh, summon my flying steed?" I Raised eyebrow year.
"You Do not Have a flying steed. Why Would You Have a flying steed? "
"No, i would draw upon The Power of the sun and-"
"Just That We'd die horribly admitted And That Your Power are Basically useless."
"You Would Die horribly and i would survive. That it helps I'ma God. "He folded arms over history history history flipped and chest hair.
"Diva." I muttered. The Rest of the flight Passed painfully slowly. I Could feel how tense he WAS, hands clenched and unclenched history, historical digging fingers Into the plush seat cushion of The Aeroplane. He Was Trying desperately not to look terrified, staring Around the cabin and watching The Action Of The flight steward With meticulous interest.
I Pulled out my battered book and flipped to a random page. I Tried to Focus on the book, to my mind is fixed WAS Alex. If he Could not Deal With flat, What Would he make of school? What about television? Could he Deal With girls twenty-first century? Or boys, for that Matter?
I sighed and set down The Book. I ran my fingers Through my hair, arching my back Slightly Against the flesh. The movement Made The book slide off my leg and drop to the Floor With A quiet thump. Alex Steady Reached Picked it up and down, gauging my reaction. He Smiled apologetically.
"You know, I Was a god of healing as well. I Might Be Able to Save You If The metal bird crashes. "He Said, The Book and set down on my lap.
"It's called airplane year. And I Doubt It. We're so high Up the Impact Would I kill the director. "
"I'm sorry."
"Why are you apologising to me? We're not going to die. We Have far more of a chance of dying oz land and weekends Have to drive to my house. Or, hell, We Were Much More Likely To Get Back on the motorway Killed in Greece. The way people drive-Those "
"You've been so kind to me already. What Would I do if I lost you now? The monks Would Probably Find Me Immediately, Even If They Did not and, I Probably Could not survive in the Modern World. I need you, Anya. "He pleaded softly.
"Fine. Just behave yourself around my mother. "I rolled my eyes. That Was so transparent. Who did he think he WAS Trying to Charm Me Like That?
"I Will, I Will."
I rolled my eyes. Again. I really hoped my mother Would Be as immune to historical charms as I Was. I picked up The Book and again has something new up. Cheesy romance Would Be Distracting Enough for now. The Rest of the flight uneventfully Relatively Passed - There Were No more scenarios of imminent death, questions of magic gold charming anyone Except the flight attendant, Who Was Completely smitten With Alex. She Even Offered him / her a glass of wine, he declined, to Politely. At least he Remembered He Was Supposed To Be Sixteen.
Touchdown HAD us reeling Both In Our seats, But The terminal WAS Another matter.
"It's so - noisy!" He half-shouted over-the din.
"Yep, that's Heathro.